June Blog

I can pray...
​and I can hope,
​but can I stop worrying???

written by Yvonne Dagger

I've always found great solace in praying. Most of the time I will be praying for someone. a family member, a friend or even a stranger. However, I always found  it really difficult to pray for myself. I always thought that I'm not worthy to ask for anything for myself. I also found it rather egotistical to pray for myself. Until one day a friend of mine told me that every prayer big or small is important in your life...even if the prayer is for you. She continued to go on and told me that she had prayed for a good parking space that day and low and behold she got one! Asking in prayer, then, became easier for me to ask for prayer for myself. As a Roman Catholic when I pray, I pray to God, Jesus, Jesus' mom and dad, Mary & Joseph and all of the angels and saints. To you it may be someone or something completely different. Whatever or whoever it is, it's always such a comfort to know that we can count on them. That feeling of comfort may last for a long time or may be very briefly felt. For the most part, I am comforted by knowing that I am cared for and loved by those who listened to my prayer. However,  most of the time I fall back into the worrying time again.  Saint Padre Pio tells us to "Pray, Hope and Don't Worry." They are beautiful words for sure. It's a lovely message.  But, am I really going to pay close attention to message of each word? When I reflect on those words I know that I can pray...and I can hope, but truthfully...I have a hard time with those last two little words...DON'T WORRY.  To me, it's not that easy of a statement to live by especially in our current pandemic. Pray, sure! Hope, got it. But, worry?? that's a completely different word all together.  Those five little letters can cause a multitude of stress and angst for me and many people. And why not? You might ask.  After all, we are going through an unprecedented time right now. Everyday we are given the facts about the COVID-19 Virus and then the next day we are given more facts, new facts to add to the ones we thought were the only facts, but, the old facts that we were given the days before changed and we were given new facts. Sounds confusing...well, it is!!! So, why wouldn't we worry? We do, after all, have a lot to be worrisome about. Will I get the virus or will someone I know get it?  Will the kids go back to school in the fall? Will the economy recover? When will we be able to hug someone with our arms? And the biggie: When will there be a cure, a treatment or vaccine for this virus? Those are real worries!! And I worry about them all.

​I once knew of a man who said that his wife worried about worrying! I feel sometimes that I'm that woman😁 But, seriously, worrying about what's to come can be destructive to our mental and physical health. 

​So, why do we worry? According to WedMD,🐶 There are several reasons for worrying,  Robert L. Leahy, PhD, the author of The Worry Cure: 7 Steps to Stop Worry From Stopping You and the director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York City, explains that, "People worry because they think something bad will happen or could happen, so they activate a hypervigilant strategy of worry and think that 'if I worry I can prevent this bad thing from happening or catch it early,'" Leahy says. Put another way: If you didn't worry, things might get out of hand. The worrier's credo is that if you can simply imagine something bad happening, it's your responsibility to worry about it."🐶

The question is: "How can we train ourselves to worry less and maybe even stop worrying?  Doctor Leahy, has 9 "Worry-Busting Steps" to help us get through the worrying part of this challenging time in our lives. 

🐶 "9 Worry-Busting Steps​
No. 1. Make a list of your worries. Identify what you are worried about, says Leahy.

No. 2. Analyze the list. "Look at whether your worry is productive or unproductive," Leahy says. A productive worry is one that you can do something about right now. For example, "I am going to Italy, so I may be worried about making plane and hotel reservations," he says. "This is a productive worry because I can take action now by going online to make reservations." 
By contrast, an unproductive worry is one which you can't do anything about. "It is more of a proliferation of 'what ifs,' over which you have no control and there is no productive action that will lead to a solution," Leahy says. For example, losing sleep and worrying about whether or not you will get cancer is unproductive.

No. 3. Embrace uncertainty. Once you have isolated your unproductive worries, it's time to identify what you need to accept in order to get over them, Leahy says. You may need to accept your own limitations or it may be a degree of uncertainty that you need to accept. For example, you very well may get cancer some day as no one really knows what the future holds. "Many worried people equate uncertainty with a bad outcome, but uncertainty is really neutral," he says. "When you accept uncertainty, you don't have to worry anymore. Acceptance means noticing that uncertainty exists and letting go and focusing on the things that you can control, enjoy, or appreciate."

No. 4. Bore yourself calm. "Repeat a feared thought over and over and it will become boring and will go away," Leahy says. If your fear is dying of cancer, look in the mirror and say, "I may die of cancer. I may die of cancer." Say it enough and it will lose its power.

No 5. Make yourself uncomfortable. "Worriers feel that they can't tolerate discomfort, but if you practice discomfort, you will accomplish a lot more," Leahy says. "The goal is to be able to do what you don't want to do or things that make you uncomfortable." Worriers tend to avoid new things and situations that make them uncomfortable, such as parties or public speaking engagements. The preemptive worry helps them avoid discomfort, but if you force yourself to do the very things that make you uncomfortable, you will rely less on worry as a coping strategy.

No 6. Stop the clock. "Worried people often have a sense of urgency," Leahy says. "They think, 'I need the answer right now and if I don't get it then something terrible will happen.'" Look at the advantages and disadvantages of demanding such urgency. "Rather than focus on the sense of urgency, instead focus on what you observe right now," Leahy says. "Ask yourself, 'What can I do in the present moment to make my life more pleasant or meaningful?'" he says. "You can either focus your mind on getting an answer right now or focus on improving the moment." The latter is the better strategy. Take a deep breath, read, or listen to music to stop the clock and curtail your anxiety.

No 7. Remember that it's never as bad as you think it will be. Anxiety or worry is all about anticipation. The 'what ifs' are always way worse than how you feel when something actually happens. "Worriers tend to worry about things that even if they happen, they can handle it," Leahy says. "Worriers are actually good at handling real problems."

No 8. Cry out loud. "The emotional part of the brain -- the amygdala -- is suppressed when you worry," Leahy explains. "The emotion kicks in later with gastrointestinal symptoms, fatigue or rapid heart rate. Use your emotions; don't try to get rid of them because when you are crying or angry, you are not worried."

​No 9. Talk about it. Beside the cognitive therapy techniques mentioned above -- which can help change troublesome behaviors -- talk therapy can also help chronic worriers worry less by getting to the root of their issues. Often talk therapy and cognitive behavior therapy can work together, Taub says."
​

After reading these helpful tips, I think I can do a better job of worrying less.  I can't promise anything...but, I will give it a try. How about you? Are you a worrier too? Let me know. After all, misery needs company😁😁

Whatever happens...
​I am going to do the best I can and try not to worry about what is to come. I will pray about it and hope for a better tomorrow. 
🙏🏻

Stay Well. Stay Safe. And Please, Don't Worry!
Happy Tales to you,
xoxo Yvonne

​🐶 ​Bibliography
WebMD
​9 Steps to End Chronic WorryingExperts explain how to reduce excessive worrying that can have mental and physical effects. 
​By Denise Mann
://www.webmd.com/balance/features/9-steps-to-end-chronic-worrying#1