October 2025

Hey, That's my seat!

Did you ever notice that when you go somewhere often you gravitate to the same seat you were in the last time you were there?  
​Or
​that when you're at an event people place their coats or pocket books
​at a specific seat as a marker?

Even at a family dinner and gathering there are seats given to people at the "head" of the table that are usually for the host or honored guest. While growing up at a rectangular table, my father sat at one end and my grandfather was at the other end of the table. We just always knew that they had those seats. The rest of us took the remaining seats.  But, we usually all had the same seats at every meal. 

Where I sit in church with Picasso and my husband, Denis, is where we sit every Sunday at mass. When we arrive to our "normal" seats and see someone else sitting there...I think to myself, "Hey, that's my seat!! The nerve, doesn't he/she know that I sit there?"  But, in reality, I don't own that pew! Anyone can sit there. 

I was talking to my brother-in-law about this after mass one Sunday. He was upset that someone was sitting in "his seat."  I chuckled because I wondered how many people feel that same way that we do.  Why do we always take the same seats every week?? 

Is it because we are creatures of habit or just feel more comfortable sitting in the same seats week after week? For my husband and I, it's because we have Picasso and we need the xtra space with him.  But, I have to admit that when I see someone else in "my" seat I get a little upset. Believe it or not, I know of people who think that they own the pew and NO ONE is allowed to sit in their seat. They will actually not talk to you if you take their seat! It's comical! But can be a real problem.

​After researching this subject, I found that "people sit in the same seats at church primarily out of habit and comfort, as routines become ingrained and specific spots offer desirable views, sound quality, or easy access. Other reasons include: practical concerns like proximity to an exit or hearing aids; social connection with friends and family in a familiar spot; and a desire for a sense of spiritual connection or consistency, especially for those who have lost a loved one, as the seat can be a source of comfort.  

At other events "​​the act of claiming a space, even temporarily, is a common form of "territoriality," a psychological mechanism used to create a sense of control over one's environment."  Have you ever witnessed someone arriving at an event and immediately place their coat/pocketbook at a seat?  I see this at weddings and gatherings. These people seem to know the rules really well!!  They want to get the "best" seat in the house.  I've been at weddings where my husband and I are assigned to a particular table and by the time we get there we see pocketbooks at every seat. So, we take what's left.  I guess I talk too much to the guests on my arrival that we kind of loose out...but, it really doesn't matter to us to high-tail over to the table to get a seat. 

But, in all fairness to the people who do rush over to get a seat, there could be other reasons for their haste.  Placing a marker at a table can actually reduce the anxiety of finding a spot after the hall gets crowed thus allowing the attendee to feel more relaxed and have a good time. 

I just find all of this sociologically interesting. We as humans do things that are traditional such as the seat at the head of the dining table or habitual and comforting by taking the same exact seat at a place of worship according to our situations when it comes to finding our seat in the world.  Are we creatures of habit or just controlling our territory?   As for me, I think I'm a little of both.  I like to sit in the same seat week after week at church and maybe it is kind of territorial too!  I think I'll move around a little to see and get to know others at a different vantage point. I'll have to get up the nerve to do just that!! 

So, when you're at church or at an event, you may want to take notice of where you and others take your seats. Look around, take notice of how many people travel over to the same seat every week. It's very interesting!

Happy Fall!
Happy tales to you!
​xoxo Yvonne